Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
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I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
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I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
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