I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
there is puke in my bra ... again
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
