I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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