Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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