Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
