It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
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