i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
