I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize
