you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
