i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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