I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
