I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
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