i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
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No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
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I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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