i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice