I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule