I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
bring money and cleavage
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
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i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.