dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.