the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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