Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
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Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
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I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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