this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
