Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I'm too high and old for this...
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
