There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
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Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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