We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
My vagina just recognized that song.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
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