She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Randomize
