you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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