i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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