i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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