and you said cock pushups were impossible
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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