I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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