The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
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