she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
i used baking grease as lip gloss
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize