The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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