Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
