Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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