I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
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