Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
