I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize