so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
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