I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?