you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
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I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
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I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?