I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!