I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???