so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
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im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
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Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
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