He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize