I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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