yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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