I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
