Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
