I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize