There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Randomize