Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
