he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
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And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
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