I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
