tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
