remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
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