i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
